The Most Asinine Article of the Year

Yes, it's only January 7, but I am fully confident that I have stumbled upon the most asinine article of the year. I'm pretty sure it may be one of the most asinine I have ever read. Keep in mind that this is not an editorial - it's a news article - and it's so obviously asinine I see no need to even comment on its asininity. Ok - here's the link - it will open in a separate browser. Now if you think I'm wrong, and that this article is not asinine at all, do explain to me where I'm off base (I fully admit that you might have read a more asinine article, but if you don't actually think it's asinine, I'm curious to hear your view).

Update: Mickey Kaus seems to agree, though he gives the article too much credence by actually quoting one of its idiotic passages which he audaciously labels the "stupidest" as if any one of the article's assertions could be 'elevated' above the rest.